Processing Pain Is Necessary In Order To Heal From Narcissistic Abuse

As I’ve been writing this blog and processing everything I’ve gone through, a few people have tried to tell me that I’m “dwelling on it” and/or that I need to “just let it go.” I know these people mean well, but that isn’t how this works. I’m not going to stop trying to heal this pain just because some people think I’m doing it the wrong way. I know I’m on the right path, and in time I will be healed from this.

Although I know I’m nowhere near fully healed, I have been lucky enough to realize that I have already started healing. Recently, a friend asked me to help her leave her abusive relationship. I helped her pack as much as we could get into her vehicle and she stayed the night in my van with the intent of figuring out our next steps in the morning. Unfortunately, she decided to go back to her abuser in the morning. I told her I would help her once more, but not a third time, so next time she asks, she needs to be certain she’s ready to leave (a boundary for my own well-being, as seeing her go back to that broke my heart, though I understand wholeheartedly why she did it, because I’ve been there).

Seeing the state she was in – so incredibly nervous and uncertain of anything, feeling incapable of making simple decisions for herself, really struck me. I’ve known this woman for a few years and I remembered her as very confident and self-assured, something I admired about her, but her abuser had destroyed that in her, stripped it all away.

Seeing her like that made me immediately realize that’s the state I was in when I first left Scox. I have already started to get back to my old, laid back self. I still have a long way to go yet, but I am getting there, however slowly I may be progressing. Knowing that is encouraging to me, and helps me be able to ignore those people insisting that I’m doing it wrong, because I know that I am doing exactly what I need to do. The following excerpt from an article about healing from narcissistic abuse even backs me on this.

Everyone deals with things differently, so what works for some people won’t necessarily work for others. But there’s one thing that is true for everyone.

If you don’t allow yourself to feel the pain, the humiliation, the loss, and the grief, you will not be able to heal.

Just like with a broken bone, your spirit and soul are wounded. You won’t heal without facing some necessary pain.

Accept that knowledge and give yourself the time and self-care that are necessary for a full recovery.

Full text can be read at

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